i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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