I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
