But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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