yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
