The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
