11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
