His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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