I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
