mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
