Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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