she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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