so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
