If i come over, it means nothing
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
