is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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