He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
