If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
