Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
