ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
