This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
