I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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