any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
