I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize