I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
