I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
