haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
