Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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