Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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