i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
