My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
