Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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