you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
