I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
