hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
