I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
