There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
