Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
