Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
