So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I did not marry a roomba.
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