So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
