nut hugger
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
