I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
