Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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