he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
