Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
