Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
