When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
