I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I checked into jail on foursquare
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
