You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
