stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
