I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
