I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
