yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
