i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize