Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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