My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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