and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
