The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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