I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
