well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
