Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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