took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
