hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
