My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize