went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
