He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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