In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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